Categories
Fiction

Judy’s Baggage

Part 1: Moving Out

Judy was smiling as she pulled up to her house after another day at the office. It was Friday, and she was about to enjoy another weekend with her boyfriend Mike. They had been living together for 6 months now, and the relationship was going very well.

At 34 years of age, this was the first serious relationship that Judy had been excited about. Mike was smart, good-looking, and kind. She had finally found the man of her dreams! Judy now spent much of her time daydreaming of the exciting experiences she and Mike would share together. They had already discussed getting married, and Judy was now anxiously awaiting the day when Mike would formally propose to her.

But as Judy walked into the house, something seemed off. There was a strange vibe that she couldn’t quite understand. Then she saw Mike.

Instinctively, she came towards him for an embrace, but then she stopped herself short. He had a strange look on his face, and appeared to be avoiding eye contact. Then she noticed a big bag near the door.

What’s that? – asked Judy.

I’m leaving. – said Mike, ignoring her question.

What do you mean? What are you… – Judy was stunned. Her heart started to race, and tears were starting to form in her eyes.

With a hostile expression on his face, Mike said – I’m tired of feeling like I don’t belong. You don’t give me any space here. I feel suffocated.

Judy started to feel defensive. She knew where this was leading. Mike, I told you already, I’m not going to throw away all the things I love just because they don’t mean anything to you! They mean something to me! I like my photos, and I like my old video games and my old clothes. If I want to keep them, I’m going to keep them! 

That’s right – said Mike – You ARE going to keep your stuff. You obviously care more about your past than you do about our future.

And with those words, Mike picked up his bag and was out the door.

Judy was in a state of shock as she watched Mike drive away. Was this really happening to her? Perhaps Mike was playing some sort of game. Suddenly, Judy dashed from room to room, looking to see if any of Mike’s possessions were still in the house.

There was no sign of his clothes in the closet. His toothbrush was gone from the bathroom. By now, tears were rolling down her cheeks and she rushed downstairs to the basement. There, in the corner where Mike’s possessions were kept, there was nothing at all. He had completely moved out.

Part 2: Moving On

Two weeks earlier, Judy had met with her psychotherapist Britney to discuss a disagreement that she and Mike were having. Previously, Britney had helped Britney build the self-confidence needed to realize she deserved to be with a partner who treated her well. Because of this, Judy had developed a high level of trust in her therapist.

He’s always complaining that he doesn’t have space. – Judy remarked, exasperated. Mike says I have 5 shelves of stuff in the bathroom that I don’t use. But Mike doesn’t have anything to put there, so why do I need to get rid of my things? It’s not his business. Mike doesn’t like to have a lot of stuff, so he thinks I shouldn’t have a lot of stuff either.

First things first – commented Britney. – For starters, it’s not a good idea to do something just because our partner demands it. This takes away our power. When you make a decision, ensure that it is something that you are comfortable with. Do you understand?

Yes – replied Judy, relieved that Britney had taken her side.

Now trembling from the shock of seeing Mike leave, Judy called Britney on the phone. 

Mike just left me! – Judy wailed from her basement. – He said I didn’t make room for him!

Oh Judy, I’m sorry – replied Britney. – But please understand that Mike did what was right for him, just a you did what was right for you.

What was right for me was for Mike to stay in my life! – screamed Judy.

But you weren’t ready for him, and Mike wasn’t willing to wait for you. Both of you stayed true to your own needs.

Judy was stunned. She couldn’t believe what she was hearing.

Britney continued – Your old things that you do not want to throw away are symbols of the past. But not just that: they are symbols of the good times. We keep items that are dear to us in order to remember the good times.

But herein lies the problem: life is not just about the good times. Life is about ups and downs. We can’t live just in the good times. And by hanging on to our past good times, we are making a statement. We are telling life that we don’t appreciate the bad; we appreciate only the good.

Well of course I don’t appreciate the bad! -cried Judy – Why would…

But that’s just it! – exclaimed Britney. – By not appreciating your bad experiences, you become fearful of the future. You say you want a future with Mike, but this is only half true. What you really want is a GOOD future with Mike. And this is simply not reasonable or even possible. Having placed such a demand, you don’t have any future. Not with Mike, and not with yourself.

What do you mean, no future? Of course I have a future! Are you suggesting that I would kill myself? – exclaimed Judy in a very surprised voice.

Absolutely not – said Britney. You don’t need to kill yourself. By demanding only the good times, you have already removed yourself from life. You are afraid to live, and therefore you are not even truly alive.

The last statement hit Judy like a blow to heart. The words “you are not truly alive!” echoed in her head. Suddenly, Judy sensed a deep knowing of the meaning of the words: she felt as if she was standing at the edge of a cliff, and all she had to do was jump off and be free. But the fear of taking the jump was terrifying. She was too scared to jump and she knew it. A great sense of shame spread over her entire body.

In a flash, Judy’s entire body filled with rage. She had never felt such anger build up inside her. Then – as if out of nowhere – a terrible scream filled the room. It was her scream.

Without thinking, Judy took her phone and threw it at a box of photos. Her body filled with even more anger, and she ran at the box, smashing it with both of her fists. No longer feeling in control of her own body, she started pushing boxes over and punching them as hard as she could.

All of a sudden, Judy felt pain a sharp pain in her arm. She sees blood, but can’t make out where it’s coming from. Her eyes refuse to focus.

Slowy, her vision becomes clear again. Blood is flowing out from an ugly, deep cut in her wrist. Looking up, she sees glass from a broken photo frame.

Judy starts to feel faint. She closes her eyes, and collapses to the floor.

Categories
Satire

About Me

[strong language]

Welcome to my Site!

My name is Jay. I’m a very rich guy, which means you should listen to what I say, because I’m obviously smarter than you.

And since I’m a really nice guy, I’m going to tell you a little secret. If you want to make big money, you have to be careful because the system is rigged. So this is what you do: the secret to getting rich is to work hard. Got it? That’s what my super rich daddy taught me, and I’m telling you it now for free. And since it was me who told you the secret, you should definitely send me monthly donations to thank me for basically saving your filthy little ass from poverty.

While we’re at it, I should tell you that I hate poor people. Poor people are lazy: they don’t even try to work. For instance, there is my uncle Bob. This guy worked in a factory for 35 years, and then the factory was moved to China. See how fucking lazy Bob was? The factory went to China, but he decided to stay here and say that he couldn’t find a job. Dude, your job is in China! Go get it, you moron! It’s literally waiting for you!

Anyway, doesn’t matter now. After a couple of years of Uncle Bob pretending he couldn’t find work, his wife had enough of his bullshit and left him. Uncle B started drinking and later killed himself. And that is so fucking typical. I mean, if I was a worthless unemployed drunk, I think I would kill myself too. It’s obvious that he killed himself because he was ashamed of being a lazy ass. So take it from me: just know your role and go to work, and one day you are guaranteed to be rich like me. Trust me, it’s guaranteed.

Enjoy my blog, and don’t forget to support me on patreon!

Categories
Satire

The Body and Blood of Christ

[strong language]

Setting: Board meeting of the True Church of Christ. In attendance: Melissa, Charlie, Sally, and John

M: OK, now to old business. John, can you please give us an update on attendance figures?

J: Yeah, they are fucking terrible. They’ve been steadily dropping for 6 months in a row. Our revenues are falling, and shareholders are getting nervous. They say there’s no profit to be made in religion anymore.

C: Oh that’s such bullshit! As long as there are people on this planet, there is money in religion!

J: Shut up Charlie, stop interrupting. Look, people are starting to doubt this whole God bullshit. There’s this talk going around that an unconditionally loving God wouldn’t send people to hell. It’s almost as if people have learned how to use logic. That means we’re in some serious shit here, and we need to come up with something good to get these dumbasses back in line.

M: Sally, you mentioned before the meeting that you had come up with an interesting idea?

S: Yes Mellisa, I sure did. (Melissa looks excited, while Charlie and John roll their eyes.)

S: so as you know, that Jesus guy always spoke in symbols and stuff. I mean, nothing that he said was supposed to be taken literally.

C: (groans and then mutters): She thinks she’s a fucking preacher now.

S: Now, there’s that thing in the Bible about the blood of Christ and body of Christ being very important. Jesus was obviously talking about…well, we don’t really know: that dude was smoking if you ask me. But what if we say that he wasn’t? (Has an excited look in her eyes.)

C: Say he wasn’t what? Smoking?

S: No, no! What if we say he wasn’t speaking symbolically? And that everyone must have the blood and body of Christ? We could offer the body and blood of Christ in our services!

J: Sal, exactly how are we supposed to do that?

S: It’s so simple! We take some crackers and wine, pray over it, and then tell people that it has changed into the actual body and blood of Christ!

C: That is fucking disgusting! Are you out of your mind!? I’m going to fucking puke now!

J: Sally, that’s some messed up shit! Nobody is going to fall for that bullshit. People are not that stupid.

M: Guys, hold on for a moment. Just think about it. If we tell people that we offer the body and blood of Christ, then they are going to come running to us.

C: Are you kidding me? This is such bullshit!

M: No, it’s not. And it’s not even about that people are just stupid, although there is that. They are also lazy. So even if they don’t believe that we are giving them a sacred picnic, they won’t care. We are simply offering them an easy way out, and that is what people want.

J: An easy way out of what?

M: An easy way out of hell. We are giving them the secret handshake, the keys to heaven, whatever you want to call it. Hell, if that stupid Bible says they need the body of Christ, we’re going to fucking give them the body of Christ.

C: Oh, this is crazy!

S: It’s not as crazy as believing that we live in a democracy! And think of all the people that believe that bullshit!

M: Alright, enough. I think Sally’s idea is excellent, so we are going to set up a test run at one of the local churches. If it’s successful, we are going to roll this project out across all our worship centers. Got it?

J: Fine.

C: Do what you want, but I’m not taking the blame for this shit. It’s not going to work.

M: OK, let’s move on to new business. I’ve got a demand in from Father Frist. He says he wants a private jet or he’ll walk. He claims that the New Church of Christ is offering him a better contract, and that they’ve agreed to buy out his contract with us.

C: Do you really believe that? I think Frist is full of shit.

S: What does he want with the private jet?

M: Supposedly, Epstein won’t let Frist ride with him anymore now that Epstein is officially dead. And Frist is now complaining that he hasn’t gotten any pussy in weeks. He also claims that Jeffrey can’t suck his dick worth a shit.

J: So now he needs a jet to pick up girls? Dude, is his Ferrari holding him back or something?

M: Look, this is serious. Frist is simply too popular to lose. Our member confidence rating has been unsteady ever since the last sex scandal, so it’s vital that we keep Frist, and keep him happy. So unless there are any objections, I’m going to direct Val to start the purchase process…